Americans = Fat

I'm just stating fact here, c'mon

Good Rockin' Charles - Goin Home

Chico Chism - 480 Pounds

During my last few days of being over in Europe, I began to dread coming home. There's a lot of reasons why I wasn't looking forward to coming home, but one of the more light-hearted ones was going home to be among my fat fellow Americans. Before any of my huskier readers becomes offended, please realize that I'm just stating fact: we are a culture of overweight people.

This was my third trip to Europe and when I get back, without fail, I get asked about how many hotties I met/hooked up with. Without going against my stance on kissing and telling, I will say that the the ratio of hotties to notties is clearly in favor of the Europeans. So many hotties that I was getting whiplash on an hourly basis from all the double-takes. I'm no statistician, but my mathematical brain pointed me to one simple conclusion: The number of fatties in a given country is inversely proportional to the number of hotties. For those people who are confused by the terms "inversely" and "proportional", I'll put it in lay terms: The more skinny people in a given population, the more hotties you're gonna meet. Sounds obvious enough, right? Well, the difference is striking. Not profound, but striking. In fact, it struck me as yet another reason why I love to travel. The easiest way to spot Americans abroad: look for a group of portly people. With fanny packs. And baseball caps.

But, I digress. One song that kept bouncing around in my head during my last few days over there, while I was ogling all the beautiful women around me, was Good Rockin' Charles "Goin Home". Ol Good Rockin' Charles makes no bones about the fact that he likes women with some meat on their bones. And, to that end, he makes it clear that he's going home to get him some. Good Rockin' Charles has only one eponymously named album listed on Amazon.com and this song isn't on it. So, I'd like to think this song is pretty rare. It's from a vinyl compilation album I have called "American Blues '79". It's one of the first records I ever bought and I got it mainly for the cover. It turned out to be a fantastic find. Interestingly, Good Rockin' isn't the only musician on the album to extol the virtues of fatness. A few songs earlier on the same side of the record, Chico Chism tells all about his "biggy fatty mama" who tips the scales at 480 lbs while still managing to rock him all night long. I'll leave it up to the blogosphere to discuss the stereotype of black guys and overweight women. I think these songs, and Mr. Chism in particular, speak for themselves.

--keep holding and maybe tomorrow I'll tell you all about the "typical koopa" moment that occurred early on in my trip. It requires all my mental faculties to tell it in complete detail. You'll be glad I waited...

Cynics Need Not Apply

van the man

Van Morrison - Starting a New Life

Why Van Morrison’s “Starting a New Life” (from the album Tupelo Honey) hasn’t been on a million and a half movie soundtracks, I’ll never know. You know the storyline: The protagonist/anti-hero beats his head against a figurative wall for the first half of the movie, continually denies the calling of his soul; eventually has his moment of clarity; achieves redemption; now enlightened, he walks into a beautiful sunset while this song plays and the credits start to roll and, we are left to assume, begins to live a life markedly different from the one he’d previously been living. We all know the story and it’s easy to be cynical whenever we hear a story that follows the same arc. So, excuse me if I spare you mine because I’m a little wary about telling it only to have a bunch of cynical citizens of the blogosphere throwing rocks at my glass house (the torrent of mixed metaphors have returned! Yes!). I’m a sort of optimistic realist and I realize I’m already setting myself up for failure, but I haven’t done enough of that lately (the setting-up, I mean), so I figure I’m due…

But, lucky for you, what I do feel like telling you all about are my moments of folly, ineptitude, humiliation, embarrassment, and easily my worst ever day in a foreign country. Those stories are more interesting anyway. Stay tuned for a knee-slapper of a story that some who are in-the-know enough would describe as a “typical koopa” moment (which it most definitely is) and others less familiar with those moments have described as a minor miracle (which I won’t rule out). It’s all about perspective.

So, if you can imagine this whole trip of mine as a movie and this is the song playing while the credits roll, please wait patiently while I do the behind-the-scenes featurette on the scenes of interest. My brain feels pretty mushy from jetlag after spending 24hrs yesterday in a bunch of planes, trains, and automobiles trying to get home…so it could be a day or two…

Dude, bonus!!: Because I love Van Morrison (If you don’t have Van Morrison’s “Astral Weeks” album, shame on thee) and it might be awhile before I post more from him, here is another song that would have played in a montage during the movie of my last two weeks…mmm mmm mmm!

Van Morrison - Astral Weeks

Simply sublime, no?

Guess Who's Back in the Mutha Funkin House

I'm laggin, but give me a minute and I'll be back to postin'.

Does it feel good to be home? No, not exactly, but I'm still glad to be home. I've got a couple soon-to-be-legendary "typical koopa" stories to relate involving lost passports and international incidents with uninsured Hungarian automobiles, but you'll have to be patient. All in good time, my friends...

Diamonds in the Back, Sunroof Top/Diggin the Scene with a Gangsta Lean

Sopron, Hungary

William DeVaughn - Be Thankful For What You've Got

Tomorrow morning I leave for Hungary to volunteer at the European Leadership Forum, which I’ve talked about on here several times before. More than anything, I know that these two weeks are going to be another life-changing travel experience. Every big trip I’ve taken has been. They’ve been life-changing in that they’ve adjusted and reordered my priorities and broadened my perspective on life in general. This one is going to be different in that it’s for a greater good: the Lord’s work. It’s not just for my own personal enjoyment this time. I’m going to be working my tail off the week of the conference and the days leading up to it. My hope is that it puts in check some of the self-centered, selfish attitudes that have seeped into my daily life and routine. But, right now, I’m simply thankful for this opportunity to go over there and be a servant for something else besides my own desires. As Bob Dylan said, “You gotta serve somebody” and lately it’s been myself and anybody I thought would reciprocate and therefore benefit me somehow. I’ve learned since my last trip that never worrying about anything else but serving yourself is a never-ending cycle that simply breeds more earthly desires to be fulfilled. Ultimately, this cycle leads to destruction. This conference is all about trying to help out Christian leaders (scientists, bioethicists, professors, writers, pastors, counselors, etc) in Europe who will turn around after this conference and impact the spiritual lives of Europeans in a way that I never could. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be around such people and learn something from them. I’m thankful that I’m financially even able to attend. I’m thankful for a boss that respects me enough to grant me 2 weeks vacation during a busy summer. I’m thankful for an extended family that enjoys being around one another and looks forward to spending two weeks working and traveling together. Last, and most definitely least, I’m thankful to William DeVaughn for writing one of the finest soul songs ever recorded in, “Be Thankful For What You’ve Got” (Massive Attack recorded a version of this song on their debut album “Blue Lines” but it sounds cheap and cheesy next to the original). See ya when I get back in late June, hideawayheads.

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

did I mention one of the Geto Boys is a midget? Well, he is. I dare say he's the best rapping midget ever, I don't care what Kid Rock says.

Geto Boys - Damn, It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

Video: Geto Boys vs. Star Wars - Mind Playin Tricks On Me

Isaac Hayes - Hung Up On My Baby (Tough Guys theme) - sampled for Mind Playin Tricks On Me

How do you know if you’re ghetto? Answer: When you start a rap group and misspell the word “ghetto” in your name. Well, that, and having a couches on your porch. That’s right, the Geto Boys are in the neighborhood! Head for the suburbs whiteys! The Geto Boys are behind two of my favorite rap songs, one of which appears in the opening sequence of everyone’s favorite work movie, “Office Space”. “Damn it Feels Good to Be a Gangsta” simply bleeds laidback, Cali beats, perfect for summer days and driving around causing trouble. Geto Boys made their name in the early nineties when the amount of swear words in a rap song was just as important as the beats. There’s just something undeniably enjoyable about excessive swearing just for the f*ck of it. Not to say that today’s rap songs have fewer swear words, but the old stuff just sounds gratuitous, in a totally awesome way. My favorite Geto Boys song has to be “Mind Playin Tricks on Me”. I love it’s narrative structure, the Isaac Hayes beat, and the sickness of it all. It’s a twisted song, but twisted in a way that everybody can sorta identify with. Damn homey, my mind’s playin tricks on me. Unfortunately, I don’t have this song on mp3 yet, I just have a link to a video using Star Wars figures as the actors. It’s awesome. What I do have though, is the Isaac Hayes (Chef!) original that the song is based around. Not surprisingly, that’s awesome too. The riff from this song just gets stuck in your head (Buster, this one has mix potential). Oooh, the sickness…“Now I got the world swingin from my nuts/damn, it feels good to be a gangsta”…