New Installment: Birthday Present Ideas

Finally, an easy way to cook hot dogs: The "Deion Sanders' Hot Dog Express"

Hi, my name is Deion Sanders, professional football player and flamboyant media personality. I’d like you to think long and hard about a question I have for you. Don’t just go with the first thing you think of, think deeply and analyze your soul’s true desires: “What is the ideal way to cook and eat a hot dog?” Or, to put it another way, “How do I imagine I’ll cook and eat a hot dog when I get to heaven?”

If you answered, “Piping hot, straight off those metal rollers from the gas station down the street.”, you answered correctly. I had a conversation with God before I came out here and He told me that’s the way He likes His, too. Now, don't you wish there was a way to save yourself the time of driving to the gas station or convenience store to get your mouthwatering hot dog? Sure you do! There's got to be a better way! I’m an American, too, and I know that when I want a juicy hot dog, I don’t want to wait any longer than I absolutely have to. Believe it or not, there is a way to out-convenience a convenience store. You think I’m trying to sell you a doggone microwave, don’t you! Nope, and I’m not trying to sell you those individually wrapped Ball Park Singles, either. Those things are disgusting. No, I’m offering you a new and revolutionary way to serve gas station-quality hot dogs right there in your home, an entirely exciting, stand-alone machine that cooks hot dogs (and other tubular sausages, like knockwurst) with the flip of a button and the rotation of metal cylinders, the “Deion Sanders’ Hot Dog Express”, from Emson USA. Sure, you can cook hot dogs with virtually any available heat-source/microwave-emitter, I mean, you purchase them pre-cooked so all you gotta do is reheat them! They're so packed with hi-tech artificial preservatives that you could eat them right out of the refrigerator if you wanted...which would be disgusting, of course. But, what if I told you that you could have a separate, dishwasher-safe machine solely dedicated to warming and rotating your beloved dogs, a greaseless, space-age machine that has gas station owners shaking in their boots? They don’t like that I’m offering you the “Deion Sanders’ Hot Dog Express”, they like being the only guys in town with a hot dog cooker & rotator. I’ve even had a few people, including trusted friends and business associates, try and convince me not to bring this amazing offer to you. But, I didn’t give myself the names, “Prime Time” and "Neon Deion" for nothing: put it in neon lights, the "Deion Sanders' Hot Dog Express" is a prime-time deal! Seriously, all you need to do is plug this simple hot dog cooking & rotating machine into any standard electrical outlet and you can be eating 8-12 hot dogs within minutes! I call mine “Neon Dogs” and I serve them with mustard and ketchup. Your nights and evenings of grilling, boiling, flame-cooking, or microwaving hot dogs are over. For only one payment of $49.95, you can serve gas station-quality hot dogs out of the comfort of your own home, no more rushing to the nearest gas station only to find out that someone had just purchased the last delectable dog. You could even start a roadside business and sell hot dogs to passing motorists, if you had a long enough extension cord! This machine could pay for itself! Are you ready for this century’s biggest revolution in home hot dog cooking & rotating technology? Take the power out of the hands of the gas stations and call right now. The “Deion Sanders’ Hot Dog Express” is waiting.

The first 3 orders get a free slushee machine. Why spend hours and hours shaving your own ice when you can have a machine do it for you?

Legal Notice from The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council: "Hot dogs" are pre-cooked, but should be thoroughly reheated until steaming hot. Be sure to separate "hot dogs" from other uncooked meats and poultry.

On a totally different note, here's today's song, a party staple with a sick synth sample from the Tom Tom Club song, "Genius of Love":
Grandmaster Flash & the Furious 5 - It's Nasty