Don't Push Her, She's Close To The Edge

It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how her dentures keep from falling out.

Georgina Dobson - The Message

Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five - The Message

Time to revisit my 'cover song' series that I started doing a few months ago. You know that old school rap song "The Message" by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five? (You know the one, it's the track that Puffy and Mase jacked for Mo Money, Mo Problems.) Have you ever wondered what that song would sound like if a British grandma named Georgina Dobson was rocking the mic? Sure, the imperative refrain, "Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge" sounds a lot more crotchety and cranky when delivered by an octogenarian, but it's still effective. It maintains the tension of the original version. Georgina Dobson genuinely doesn't want to get pushed; she knows she'll break her other good hip. And, she's got a world-weary, been-there-done-that aspect to her voice that lends the song a new dimension. However, Georgina's portrait of the ghetto isn't quite as vivid as the original, in fact, she switches the setting to a London ghetto. The escalator at the "underground"? Uh, it was a subway last time I rode it. Fumbling with her keys at her "flat"? What? Next time leave your hoity toity British apartment slang across the pond, Grandma. But, my favorite part of the song has to be after the chorus when she wonders under her breath, but still on the mic, "maybe it'd be better if I stood up". Georgina: You stand for something even when you're sitting down, as this song demonstrates. You're standin up for prospective mic-rockin grandmas all around the world. Sit that old ass down, you've done enough already. (Besides, I doubt your replacement, orthopedic hip can withstand all that extraneous motion.)