I'm a Pirate For Your Love

ARRRRRR Mp3's are the freshest!! (This could be my favorite context-free "found" google pic of all time. Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the internet and allowing me to experience the elation of discovering this. Feel free to submit any contenders that you think top this pic.)

Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

Guns N' Roses - There Was A Time

Flaming Lips - Free Radicals

Prince - Black Sweat

The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes

All of these tracks have been bouncing around the upper echelons of the mp3-blog echochamber for awhile now. Three of these five albums should be super duper. The other two will only be "duper", sans super.

Gnarls Barkley=Cee-Lo w/ Dangerdoom. "Crazy" is gonna blow up this summer. The single should officially drop in April or something. This track is some hot shiz.

Guns N Roses=Awesome. Axl sounds like he never put down his Nerf-topped microphone and went into therapy. No Slash this time around, but his guitarist Buckethead is up to the challenge as he shows in the last half of this track. The opening to this song is sketchy, but it warms up by the end to the point you'll be air-guitaring and crying and smiling and smashing something. All at once. It's good.

Flaming Lips=My most anticipated release of the spring. I hope they release a special edition so I can actually justify buying the real album. I've already got the advance copy. It's been worth the wait since "Yoshimi". "Free Radicals" sounds like Prince channeling Beck.

Prince=Genius, returning. If only Michael Jackson could've returned to greatness like Prince...

Raconteurs=Genius, declining. Jack White is still one-of-a-kind, but it's getting harder with every release to be kind to him. It's still a good track by pop radio standards, but...we've all come to expect better, "Blue Orchid" notwithstanding.

Hey, Have You Heard About Islamophobia?! It's like Homophobia, Only Better!

Yep, there's a riot going on.

Randy Newman - Sail Away

Curtis Mayfield - We the People Who Are Darker Than Blue (sampled for Gift of Gab's "Ride of Your Life")

James & Bobby Purify - I'm Your Puppet

Feist (w/ Broken Social Scene) - Gatekeeper (XFM Version)

Have you heard?

If you want your government to manage your sea ports, and not some company from Dubai, you’re an Islamophobe. Get used to hearing this slanderous word used against anybody who opposes something that involves Arabs or Muslims.

By the way, I think Randy Newman's "Sail Away" is one of the finest examples of patriotic songwriting, one of the great American songs. Newman is our most under-appreciated national treasure. With "Sail Away" and "Louisiana", Newman could've stopped writing songs right there and still been legendary.

King Koopa Is Your Great American Hero

Joey Scarbury - Great American Hero (Believe It or Not) (from 7" vinyl)

Gil Scott-Heron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

At its core, the United States of America is a country built on liberal ideals. An artist in the US can put a crucifix in a bottle of piss, photograph it, title it “Piss Christ” and win a federally funded art competition. For a sequel, that same artist can submerge a statue of the Madonna and Child, similarly, in piss, cleverly title it “Madonna and Child II”, and have it’s merits celebrated by curators at the National Gallery of Art. Wow. Check out the links, it’s brilliant and inspired art, am I right? Well, at least we can agree that it’s art, regardless of how great it probably isn’t. (I’m sorry, but if this is your idea of great art, you’re trying too hard. There are fewer things less “edgy” than being consciously “edgy”.) It might not be great art, but that’s not the point, it does have a right to exist. Likewise, many American and European liberals are hostile towards religion, with their contempt simmering just below the surface, and they have every right to act that way and express it any way they wish. And, Christians have every right to react, protest, and voice our opinion about their anti-religious works of art. In turn, liberals have every right to call Christians close-minded, reactionary, and conservative. It’s a fun game that everyone can enjoy. As far as I know, nobody killed the artist whose career high point was submerging religious icons in “a luminous amber liquid that diffuses light and softens details”. It’s not worth it to physically harm someone over crappy art. If it was, Rusted Root and anyone else associated with producing the song “Send Me On My Way” would be rotting in their graves right now (same with anyone associated with the “Grease” soundtrack). Christians and music lovers may not have been happy about these works of art, but nothing was burned and nobody was killed (although I might come close if I ever hear a “Send Me On My Way”/“Summertime” medley.)

For some reason, this Muslim cartoon thing has really ruffled my feathers. I can’t stand the fact that my government isn’t actively and explicitly defending the Dane’s freedom of speech and the freedom to criticize religion. Why isn’t America’s cultural elite standing up for the Danish cartoons? Are we too consumed by Cheneygate? During the Piss Christ controversy, hundreds of artists held a public rally in support of the work and for the right to create and display it. Why isn’t the New York Times willing to print the very cartoons that have been at the center of this debate? The real issue isn’t even the cartoons themselves, it’s about Europeans promoting negative stereotypes about Muslims and criticizing them, as this article by a Muslim in Slate points out. Another truly brilliant article by Christopher Hitchens addresses this entire issue better than I ever could, and this article comparing Piss Christ controversy and the Danish cartoon controversy is much better than anything I could’ve written. America, get ready to start hearing the term “Islamophobia”, it’s the next way to shame people into respecting the violent and extreme actions of fundamentalist Muslims.

Don't sleep.

Bonus!: Excerpt from DJ Shadow's "Diminishing Returns" Mix - [Islamofascism,] I Can't Go For That (feat. Japanese vocals, high school marching bands, and John Peel)

PJ Pooterhoots - [Islamofascism,] I Can't Go For That

Hall & Oates - [Islamofascism,] I Can't Go For That

King Koopa's Valentine's Day Gift Guide

Hem - Valentine's Day (Springsteen cover, from Hem's "I'm Talking With My Mouth")

If you've got a Valentine this year, shower her with gifts. These romantic canine-themed heart-shaped vases should do the trick. If it doesn't, you're with the wrong girl. If she's too good for hand-painted dog vases, you don't need her. Ain't that right?

Yeah, so, I saw this great show...

Feist - The Water (live on KEXP 3/13/05) - unreleased

Feist - Honey (Tears) (live @ SXSW 3/17/05) - unreleased

It was Feist. It was almost sublime. She sold-out the Park West, in Chicago on 1/27/06, which is now one of my all-time favorite venues. I anticipate that these two tracks will be included on her next studio album, which I understand she is going to start recording really soon. I definitely remember "Honey" from the show, it's pretty mesmerizing, and if my memory serves me correctly, something it rarely does, she opened the show with this song. She looped her vocals to form her "backup singers", which was something I'd never seen or heard of anybody doing live in concert. "Honey" is just Feist, her looped vocals, and her guitar. I saw Joseph Arthur do something similar, but he was looping things he did with his acoustic guitar. "The Water" is a melancholic ballad-y tune. Yeah, I know, Happy Friday! But, there's something about her voice that is just entrancing. This song has acoustic guitar and piano, in addition to Feist's electric guitar. Maybe the best part of the show was enjoying Feist as a performer. She's kind of like a cuter, pixier version of Chrissie Hynde, from The Pretenders. It's obvious how much time Feist has spent touring during the past couple years. She kept the entire Chicago audience spellbound. It had some of the most quiet moments I've experienced at a big show like that. It takes an electric performer to keep a Chicago crowd of that size to remain silent and attentive during slower, quieter tunes. I think my girlfriend has a crush on her.

Psst, wanna know about my most recent "Typical Koopa" moment?: "Elle" and I were 45 minutes outside of town when she asked if I had the tickets. I did not. They were sitting in plain sight on my living room endtable, where I had put them so I would not forget them. Forgetfulness has to be one of my most regular humbling experiences. I can be such a pillowhead sometimes.

Hey, got any tips to help me to keep from forgetting important things like that? Leave them in the comments section. On my trip to Fiji, NZ, & AUS, one of my travelling buddies gave me "H.A.M.S.?" as in, "[Do I] Have All My Shit?", because I was driving him crazy with my absent mindedness. I need a new strategy, H.A.M.S. isn't cutting it.

Dear Muslimthai.com,

Above: Mr. Boy, offering a traditional Thai 'wai' to apologize during a press conference in Bangkok on Tuesday, Feb 7, 2006. He was responding to Muslims in Thailand who had complained about one of his songs that includes a verse from the Quran, claiming it insults the Islamic holy book.

Dear Muslimthai.com,

I can’t tell you how close I came to omitting the offending song in question, “Maya” from my seminal contemporary Thai rap cd, “Bangkok Boy”. The chick I was dating at the time really liked it and she used her devilish charms to convince me to include it on the album. She had a rocking body and she used it to affect the tracklist of "Bangkok Boy". If only I could go back and scald her with boiling liquids and tell her no, I’m not going to include “Maya” on the record. Maybe all of this could have been averted. You never know. I just wasn't thinking with the right "noodle". I never really liked that song anyway. Listening to it now, I hate it, too. Geez, what was I thinking letting her influence me like that? I’d incinerate my album, too if I was you. In fact, I'll help you. Just give me a 'when' and 'where' and I'll bring my own shovel. Shoot, I must have been smoking some seriously potent Thai-stick to have let that song get through onto the album. (I know smoking weed probably goes against Muslim law too but, hey, I’m just being honest here.) "Earth to Joey Boy!", you can’t lift raps from the Quran! I should’ve known better, plain and simple. All praises to Allah and Muslimthai.com for setting me back on the right path. The non-recorded-Quran-quoting path.

By the way, stay tuned for my new album, I’m going back into studio next week to start self-producing some new tracks. I’m feeling some anti-semitism coming on! Watch out world, here comes the new Joey Boy. Inflammatory anti-semitic style! Bam!

Sincerely,
Joey Boy

Dear Joey Boy,

The following is a letter from Muslimthai.com to Thai rapper, Joey Boy.

Dear Joey Boy,

I was listening to your totally awesome cd, “Bangkok Boy”, last week. Wow. I know you released it back in 1998, but it still sounds totally fresh and vital to me today. Ever since the Danish cartoon stuff started causing so much drama around here, it’s been nice to be able to pop “Bangkok Boy” in the stereo and just kinda let go for a second. I love your rapid-fire Thai raps about noodles and those Bangkok girls that you can’t seem to get enough of. It wasn’t until recently that I actually concentrated on the lyrics in your songs, and I must say that I was surprised. I don’t know if other people still listen to your music, but I sure do. “Bangkok Boy” was criminally underappreciated when it was originally released and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure as many people have heard about this album as possible, for reasons that will soon be crystal clear. I wrote this letter just to tell you what “Bangkok Boy” means to me. With the exception of one song, I found the album as a whole to be an enlightening and entertaining listen. It makes me want to get up and burn something! Wahoo! You’re a pimped-out, street-wise prophet, Joey Boy, don’t let anybody tell you different. However, there was one song, “Maya”, that has caused me to wish this entire work of art had never been contemplated, recorded, or mass-produced. In fact, I wish you were dead, Joey Boy. You remember that verse from “Maya” that contains lyrics taken from the Quran? Highly un-Quranical, Joey Boy. You can't do that. There’s a group of us that agrees that no one should be able to listen to this music anymore. You should’ve known better. Why would you ruin one of the greatest Thai rap albums of all time like “Bangkok Boy” by including such an offensive song like “Maya”? You could’ve recorded a song about destroying the American infidels or the bloodthirsty Zionists, you know. That would've been a real hoot. I could’ve given an album like that as a gift during Ramadan. Instead, the entire staff of Muslimthai.com has demanded that this album be recalled and destroyed. It’s offensive to us and probably many others. Offensive things belong in the Sony BMG Music Entertainment incinerator, not in my home and/or car stereo. I pray that you understand.

Yours truly,
Muslimthai.com

Mylo, Oh My!

Mylo and the Rocketman

Mylo - Drop the Pressure

Mylo - In My Arms

Damnitall, I love days like this! I go to the record store at lunch on new release day pretty often and when the employees of the store are already singing along to the new stuff that came out that morning, I know I’m gonna walk out happy. I didn’t even buy the new release to which they were singing along (Belle & Sebastian’s “The Life Pursuit”). Didn’t have to. There was such an embarrassment of riches released today, I could hardly go wrong. You have your doubts, you say? As you’ll soon hear, I’m right. My friends, please join me in welcoming Mylo, just your favorite new DJ saviour! And now, for the return of the long-forgotten Hackneyed-Comparison-of-the-Day: Mylo’s album “Destroy Rock & Roll” sounds like Daft Punk, The Avalanches, and Royksopp got together to DJ a party. The Hideaway was in need of a new party album; thanks a heap for finally releasing your album stateside, Mylo.

Don't sleep. For goodness sake.

Pictograph Day

Belle and Sebastian - We Are the Sleepyheads (from the forthcoming "The Life Pursuit")

The "Dude, Bonus!": Belle and Sebastian - I'm a Cuckoo (The Avalanches remix)

This album comes out next Tuesday, February 7. Should I buy the new Aceyalone & RJD2 or the new Belle and Sebastian? Let your voice be heard. Vote.

2/6 Update: Man, there are a couple other albums coming out February 7 that I want to buy. Add Mylo's "Destroy Rock n Roll" and Hem's "No Word From Tom" to the list which already includes Belle & Sebastian's "The Life Pursuit" and Aceyalone & RJD2's "Magnificent City". Could be an expensive Tuesday. Maybe I'll give Hem to my mom for her birthday and kill two birds w/ one stone. Is that sketchy? Dodgy? Half-ass-y? Fine, your guilt-trip has worn me down, I won't buy it for either of us. Happy? Geez...

In Case You Missed It: Bush's Chimera Agenda

This vision from one of President Bush's recent nightmares caused him to insert an extra line into his 2006 State of the Union address

President Bush gave his annual State of the Union address last night. I thought I had outsmarted Bushie when I started watching Terence Malick’s “Badlands” at 7 PM, thinking it would last just about until the end of the President’s speech. Turns out that GW is smarter than I gave him credit, he started at 9 PM, outflanking my flanking move. Nicely played, Mr. President. As I’m without cable, I had the choice of either watching Lester Summerall, UPN or watching the President’s Hype Hour. So, I watched. Then, “Elle” came over after her night class and we watched it together. It was mostly inconsequential, but there was one line that President Bush snuck into the usual political patter that piqued both of our interests. See if you can find it in this paragraph from the speech:

A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every life. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos. Human life is a gift from our Creator -- and that gift should never be discarded, devalued or put up for sale. (Applause.)

Creating human-animal hybrids?!!! He snuck it right in there! Did an editor from Marvel Comics give him comments on this? That’s awesome. Really awesome. I'm proud of the President taking such a heroic stand on this potential global menace. I can’t wait until we have the national discussion on the ethics of creating an unstoppable army of mutant Pigmen (Seinfeld reference). I’ve never heard of this being a serious area of concern until this speech. I searched the Whitehouse.gov website, and this was the first mention of such a thing. Is Bush trying to beat everybody to the political punch? ("Ya heard it here first!") More fear-mongering? ("Pigmen are gonna take your jobs and steal your daughters!") Or, is there already research going on in this field that we just don’t know about yet? As recently as 2003, there have been reports from China of a half-man/half-ape. Maybe the Chinese are allowing human-animal hybrid research. We just don’t know, dude.

Personally, I look forward to the day when Half Man-Half Sharks can walk down the street hand in hand with Half Man-Half Alligators, without being persecuted for their interspecies-homosexual tendencies. Until then, enjoy Kool Keith at his zaniest as he predicts our human-animal hybrid future with his track, "Halfsharkalligatorhalfman" from the cult hip hop album, Dr. Octagonecologyst. It's pretty great. Then Deltron 3030 stole his vibe, f'n Del.

Dr. Octagon - Halfsharkalligatorhalfman