In Case You Missed It: Bush's Chimera Agenda

This vision from one of President Bush's recent nightmares caused him to insert an extra line into his 2006 State of the Union address

President Bush gave his annual State of the Union address last night. I thought I had outsmarted Bushie when I started watching Terence Malick’s “Badlands” at 7 PM, thinking it would last just about until the end of the President’s speech. Turns out that GW is smarter than I gave him credit, he started at 9 PM, outflanking my flanking move. Nicely played, Mr. President. As I’m without cable, I had the choice of either watching Lester Summerall, UPN or watching the President’s Hype Hour. So, I watched. Then, “Elle” came over after her night class and we watched it together. It was mostly inconsequential, but there was one line that President Bush snuck into the usual political patter that piqued both of our interests. See if you can find it in this paragraph from the speech:

A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every life. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos. Human life is a gift from our Creator -- and that gift should never be discarded, devalued or put up for sale. (Applause.)

Creating human-animal hybrids?!!! He snuck it right in there! Did an editor from Marvel Comics give him comments on this? That’s awesome. Really awesome. I'm proud of the President taking such a heroic stand on this potential global menace. I can’t wait until we have the national discussion on the ethics of creating an unstoppable army of mutant Pigmen (Seinfeld reference). I’ve never heard of this being a serious area of concern until this speech. I searched the Whitehouse.gov website, and this was the first mention of such a thing. Is Bush trying to beat everybody to the political punch? ("Ya heard it here first!") More fear-mongering? ("Pigmen are gonna take your jobs and steal your daughters!") Or, is there already research going on in this field that we just don’t know about yet? As recently as 2003, there have been reports from China of a half-man/half-ape. Maybe the Chinese are allowing human-animal hybrid research. We just don’t know, dude.

Personally, I look forward to the day when Half Man-Half Sharks can walk down the street hand in hand with Half Man-Half Alligators, without being persecuted for their interspecies-homosexual tendencies. Until then, enjoy Kool Keith at his zaniest as he predicts our human-animal hybrid future with his track, "Halfsharkalligatorhalfman" from the cult hip hop album, Dr. Octagonecologyst. It's pretty great. Then Deltron 3030 stole his vibe, f'n Del.

Dr. Octagon - Halfsharkalligatorhalfman